This last March I spent 6 days on a horse ranch in Hunt, Texas. I was there to find God, to get my heart back. I didn't know what that look liked or how I would do it. I didn't even know that I had lost my heart. I was reading the book "Wild At Heart" and it posed the idea of loosing our hearts through wounds, hurts, just life being thrown at us. I asked God "I don't know if I lost my heart but if I did I wanted it back."
I got to this place in life where I was feeling numb, life had leaked out of me. I began to sense that there is something more, vastly more. I was desperate to feel again, I wanted to laugh, feel, enjoy life again, I wanted to be happy again. I didn't know what was missing or how to fix it. I needed a word, any word, to name what I was missing. So I went on this Quest determined to come back whole. I unplugged. No cell phone, emails, work issues, no contact with my family or the outside world. Just me and God on a 500 acre ranch. Everyday I went to a hiding place on this ranch and sought His face. I asked Him questions "why?", battled with my sin, my hurts, frustrations, my anger, the unforgiven issues from the past. I wrestled with God and I wasn't letting go until I was blessed by Him, until I was free.
Those six days changed my life. It's almost four weeks now since my trip to Texas and I still feel His love, I still feel free and pure. I'm living again and I'm not going back. I'm not going back to being a poser. I would sometimes lead worship and think "I believe this but I don't really see this in my own life." Now I see and it's great. I can tell others this thing is for real. It's not from my head, it's from my heart. I got my heart back, I heard God, felt His love and it's never going to be the same. How glorious, I am a new creation!